17 posts tagged “love”

OK. I am on my way home and the radio is on and this song by Luke Bryan comes on Country Man. I am reminded somewhat of bullfrogs who get out in the middle of the swamp and announce that they are available and that the size of the balloon under their chin should give all the female frogs in the swamp pause. The following lyrics from the choruses will have to suffice:

Hey I'm a country man a city boy can't do the things I can
I can grow my own groceries and salt cure a ham
Hey baby I'm a country man

Hey I'm a country man a city boy can't do the things I can
I can hot wire your tractor and plow up your land
Hey baby I'm a country man

Hey I'm a country I can wrestle hogs and gators with my two bare hands
Girl you better move quick I'm in high demand
Hey baby I'm a country man

Hey I'm a country man huntinh me a good ole'
country girlfriend
Why don't you come and join me in my new deerstand
Hey baby I'm a country man
Hey baby I'ma country man

Naramsin

Are women today really looking for someone who can wrestle hogs and gators? I can't help buy think of the Assyrian king Mr. Hundert has boys quote in the movie The Emperor's Club:

"I am Shutruk Nahunte, King of Anshand and Sussa, Sovereign of the land of Elam. I destroyed Sippar, took the stele of Niran-Sin, and brought it back to Elam, where I erected it as an offering to my god." Shutruk Nahunte - 1158 B.C.

It just seems like men have been burping for women since time immemorial. In The Emperor's Club Mr. Hundert points to the kingdom in question, just to the east of Israel above the Red Sea. "Destroyer of Sippar! Behold, his accomplishments cannot be found in any history book." he says. "WHY!? Because great ambition and conquest, without contribution, is without significance. What will your contribution be? How will history remember you?"

Seti I Stele, dg 051301

... as someone who could cure a ham, hotwire a tractor, wrestle a gator, abscond with the stele of Niran-Sin? Of what significance could it really have been in the greater scheme of things that Shutruk stole Naram-sin's bragging pole?

This is a the Stele of Seti I of Egypt. I spent several hours translating the hieroglyphics and it basically says "I wrestled gators and hogs. I hot-wired a tractor and cured a ham. I am awesome. Girl you better move quick. I am in high demand."

Question for Comment: What would you write on your stele if you get to set one up in honor of your greatest achievements and most admirable traits.

Once

Thats the theory I guess. One of the songs on the DVD talks about falling in love in these words:

When Nietzsche Wept

Since it is the night before Easter I figured I would give Frederich Nietzsche a chance to tell me what he thinks about life and death tonight. The movie of the night was When Nietzsche Wept. I can't say that it will come to you highly recommended but there was at least one interesting scene where Nietzsche convinces his Dr. that one should never live a life that they would not live over and over forever - That no one should live their lives from a sense of duty if to do so would mean condemning themselves to a life they would not chose to live. Its an excellent philosophy for abandoning someone and I am sure I probably have been the victim of it more than once. Maybe we all have.

Rather than talk about the movie though, I thought perhaps I would offer some short reflections on some favorite Nietzsche quotes:

“For the woman, the man is a means: the end is always the child.” Frederich Nietszche

Is this misogyny or observation? Do all men sense this is the truth? In the movie, the Dr. I believe is convinced of it. He longs to be told that he will be the only man in a woman's life (his obsession says it to more than one man in the movie). But his own wife resents him for not spending more time with the children and later loves him only after he does. I do think this "spousification" of the child is something women should think about even as men should worry about  the "spousification of their work" perhaps.

 “Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.” Frederich Nietszche

I wonder if this is the result of his attitude towards women ... or if his attitude towards women was the result of experiences like the ones that led to this observation?

“Whoever has provoked men to rage against him has always gained a party in his favor, too.” Frederich Nietszche

I need to remember this one this week. Because it is true. Be a speaker of truth for people. Someone in that crowd will appreciate it. Emerson understood this. Pretend that if you don;t speak the truth to power no one will because it is probably the case.

 “In individuals, insanity is rare; but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule.” Frederich Nietszche

Is insanity a matter of not knowing something one should know or a matter of knowing something before others do? This quote reminds me of that song about Vincent Van Gogh ... even though I can never figure out what the lyrics mean. It also connects nicely to W.H. Auden's poem, The Unknown Citizen.

“He who thinks a great deal is not suited to be a party man: he thinks his way through the party and out the other side too soon.” Frederich Nietszche

This is a problem for thinking people for usually they can't survive without others in a system who deal with the more mundane but necessary aspects of existence. A smart person without connection to a community is likely to be, well, like Nietzsche, a brilliant conductor on a deserted Island. Of what use are his skills?

 “I did that," says my memory. "I could not have done that," says my pride, and remains inexorable. Eventually — the memory yields.” Frederich Nietszche

I like this one. I see it in other people all the time. Grin. 

“All things are subject to interpretation whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth.” Frederich Nietzsche

 "History teachers rule and dictator's drool" I always say. I hope, in the way that I teach history, this is not the case. I hope that students leave my history classes with their opinions about history based on their exposure to sources and not based on my favorite way of seeing things. I am not to be thought of as the teacher but as a fellow student who often happens to be right. grin.

“Although the most acute judges of the witches and even the witches themselves, were convinced of the guilt of witchery, the guilt nevertheless was non-existent. It is thus with all guilt.” Frederich Nietszche

In short, in a world where "God is dead" because we killed him (as Nietzsche would argue), nothing we do is wrong - Nothing worthy of guilt? Try to tell a conscience that. I read Fyodor Dostoevsky's Crime and  Punishment a few weeks ago and his whole point is that this escape from moral accountability is a novel concept and liberating perhaps - but delusional. If we think we will not care what we do to people, we deceive ourselves.

“Every church is a stone on the grave of a god-man: it does not want him to rise up again under any circumstances.” Frederich Nietzsche

Ahhh ... the ubermensch. This is not a man like other men but better. It is a man unlike other men. He is better because he declares what bad, good, and better is. A man who declares a new doctrine ... a new set of rules. a man not limited by the ideas of men who came before. It is a modern way of saying to a man "And you shall be as gods" - you shall declare your own set of rules and rule men because the rules of the game you play with them are your rules. I don't know ... the set of rules the original ubermensche set out seem like they don't need a whole lot of revision. I am not sure I could do better. 

“A pair of powerful spectacles has sometimes sufficed to cure a person in love.” Frederich Nietzsche

Is in-loveness a disease worth curing? It seems only to make us sick when we are cured of it?

Question for Comment: If you had to live your life the way you have over and over forever, would you be cool with that? does the thought frighten you?

Simple Song by Marge Piercy

When we are going towards someone we say
you are just like me
your thoughts are my brothers
word matches word
how easy to be together

when we are leaving someone we say
how strange you are
we cannot communicate
we can never agree
how hard, hard and weary to be together.

we are not different nor alike
But each strange in his leather body
sealed in skin and reaching out clumsy hands
and loving as an act
that cannot outlive
the open hand
the open eye
the door in the chest standing open.

The Story by Lisel Mueller

You are telling a story;
How Fire Took Water to Wife
 its always like this you say
opposites attract
They want to enter each other,
be one,
so he burns her as hard as he can
and she tries to drown him
its called love at first sight
and it doesn't hurt.
but after a while she weeps
and says he is killing her
he shouts that he cannot breath
underwater.

"The poet sheds his blood in the ring and calls the pools poems." George Barker

"Poetry is the revelation of a feeling that the poet believes to be interior and personal but which the readers recognize as their own" Salvatore Quasimodo

"Poems are like dreams. In them you put what you do not know that you know.'"Adrienne Rich

Question for Comment: Are you going towards someone or leaving someone right now? Are you finding this first poem to be true? What causes people to  close that "door in the chest" the poet speaks of?

Give All To Love

Give all to love;
Obey thy heart;
Friends, kindred, days,
Estate, good fame,
Plans, credit, and the muse;
Nothing refuse.

'Tis a brave master,
Let it have scope,
Follow it utterly,
Hope beyond hope;
High and more high,
It dives into noon,
With wing unspent,
Untold intent;
But 'tis a god,
Knows its own path,
And the outlets of the sky.
'Tis not for the mean,
It requireth courage stout,
Souls above doubt,
Valor unbending;
Such 'twill reward,
They shall return
More than they were,
And ever ascending.

Leave all for love;—
Yet, hear me, yet,
One word more thy heart behoved,
One pulse more of firm endeavor,
Keep thee to-day,
To-morrow, for ever,
Free as an Arab
Of thy beloved.
Cling with life to the maid;
But when the surprise,
Vague shadow of surmise,
Flits across her bosom young
Of a joy apart from thee,
Free be she, fancy-free,
Do not thou detain a hem,
Nor the palest rose she flung
From her summer diadem.

Though thou loved her as thyself,
As a self of purer clay,
Tho' her parting dims the day,
Stealing grace from all alive,
Heartily know,
When half-gods go,
The gods arrive.

Emerson-

Question for Comment: Do they really? When half gods go, lonliness arrives it seems more like to me.

Sense and Sensibility (Penguin Classics)

Jane Austen

"Mr. Collins to be sure was neither sensible nor agreeable; his society was irksome, and his attachment to her must be imaginary.  But still he would be her husband.  – without thinking highly either of men or of matrimony, marriage had always been her object; it was the only honorable provision for well educated young women of small fortune, and however uncertain of giving happiness, must be their pleasantest preservative from want.  This preservative she had now obtained; and at the age of 27, without having ever been handsome, she felt all the good luck of it."

Throughout Austen's novels, one gets this sense that women were significantly at a disadvantage in courting. Men could afford to be more selective I suppose you could say because their very financial existence was not entirely dependent upon their choices.

"Darcy had never been so bewitched by any woman as he was by her.  He really believed, that were it not for the inferiority of her connections he should be in some danger. . .  . He began to feel the danger of paying Elizabeth too much attention.

Elizabeth had been at Nethersfield long enough.  She attracted him more than he liked -- . . .   He wisely resolved to be particularly careful that no sign of admiration should now escape him, nothing that could elevate her with hope of influencing his felicity, sensible that if such an idea had been suggested, his behavior during the last day must have material weight in confirming or crushing it. Steady to his purpose, he scarcely spoke ten words to her through the whole of Saturday, and though they were at one time left by themselves for half an hour, he adhered most conscientiously to his books, and would not even look at her."

Darcy simply has to make sure that he DOESN'T marry someone who's family will become a drain on his resources. Elizabeth's sisters have to find someone who can sustain them. I feel sorry for these people. They are not free to find the people that love them and that they love. Their economic gender inequalities are constantly interfering with their heart-judgments. As one character puts it,

"Our habits of expense make us too dependent, and there are not too many in my rank of life who can afford to marry without some attention to money."

And thus the warning!

        "O Lizzy!  Do anything rather than marry without affection."

... and her father's consolation:

        ". . . my dear child, let me not have the grief of seeing you unable to respect your partner in life."

Question for Comment: What has interfered with good relational sense in your life?

If the Buddha Dated: A Handbook for Finding Love on a Spiritual Path

Charlotte Kasl

Some of my comments on quotes from the book, If the Buddha Dated

“In any relationship, you can notice your feelings when you come together and leave to be apart. Is the transition smooth, free, and open? Or is it sticky wrenching, fearful? … As we evolve on a  spiritual path, we find a balance between being together- welcoming, present, and alive- and being separate, because life is rich either way.”

A good friend of mine reminded me of this very thing last night during a phone conversation. Maybe there is some cosmic significance to the message, eh? The problem is if you develop this sort of easy relationship with someone ... a relationship that you CAN easily move into and out of and enjoy either way ... and then they leave. THEN, my young padawan love learner, you are toast.

“Our degree of equality can be measured in many ways-money, power, looks, or status. It can also reflect our levels of personal power-the ability to articulate feelings, say what we want, and maintain our values in the face of pressure from others. . . . But most important, in an intimate relationship it’s the perception of equality that is the determining factor."

Equality doesn’t need to mean that both people earn the same amount of money, have equal status, or are equally good looking. It means they value each other as equals when it comes to making plans, making love, or making decisions. They have an equal voice. One does not sacrifice himself, or herself to the other. They adore and appreciate each other equally. They may contribute differently to the relationship, but they are equal in feeling responsible for keeping the partnership alive and growing.”

How does a lopsided person find this? I mean, take your average teenager with Aspergers or something. Lets say that they have a 98th percentile verbal IQ but a 2nd percentile processing speed. How do they find someone to counterpart them? Counterparts should be available by special order. There should be a dating site for weirdly wired people.

“We walk a subtle line because while we need to have a clear sense of what’s important to us, at another level, we need to remain open so we can make room for a good partner who doesn’t arrive in the package we imagined.”

I live with the conviction that I almost certainly have come in the package someone imagines me coming in. Grin.

“If you put sexual attraction on a scale of one to ten, where ten equals ‘you can’t keep your hands off each other’ and five equals ‘you can take it or leave it’ and one equals ‘repulsed’, to support a vibrant relationship it should be at least a seven, preferably an eight, nine, or ten. … so if a sexual attraction doesn’t evolve, remember, its not anyone’s fault, its just the what is of your pairing, and you might make better friends than lovers.”

There should be pheromone solutions solutions for this ... sort of a Ritalin for homeliness. I know, I know ... they call it Whiskey. ;-)

Question for Comment: How did you know you were in the right relationship for you (if you are)?

Crazy Love

OK. you want to see a bizarre movie?  I mean just absolutely bizarre? a movie that will make you wonder just what the limits of human irrationality are. I can't talk about this movie without spoiling the story so
I won't but these people redefine the word "coo-koo" for me.

I am reminded of Petrarch, the Italian Renaissance poet/humanist.    Apparently, he fell in love with a woman named Laura in 1327 (He was 23). She never returned his affections but he continued to write about her for some 47 years. She actually died when he was about 40 but that didn’t seem to keep him from writing about her. A love affair of unrequited love for some 47 years, half of that with her deceased is quite the accomplishment I should say. .
 
He writes in one of his sonnets.

MY vital power was buttressed in my heart

And well defended, there and in my eyes

Until the harsh stroke landed, where before

All arrows that had come had glanced away

 

Love found me wholly undefended, with

The way from the eyes to the heart completely open

Eyes that are now the conduit for tears.

 

He [Cupid] got no glory from it; I was helpless

And he let you escape with no attack

When you were well defended, fully armed.

Question for Comment: Why is Cupid so illogical? Why does he hit ONE person but not both? Is there some god of insanity that he owes some favor to? ;-)

The following lines from Pride and Prejudice come to mind:

I wonder who first discovered the efficacy of poetry in driving away love

I have been used to consider poetry as the food of love, said Darcy.

Of a fine, Stout, healthy love it may.  Everything nourishes what is strong already.  But if it be only a slight, thin sort of inclination, I am convinced that one good sonnet will starve it entirely away.

“You can love, perhaps for a year, a month, a day, even for an hour . . . and in that hour, I do believe you love as well and deeply as any man. But after that hour, you love not. You love another and then another. Your love is most generous where it is most hurtful.” - Princess Margarette, The Tutors

It is somewhat interesting to note that the famous (or infamous Dr. Kinsey) concluded from his studies that social class has an interesting effect on the faithfulness of human males: "The most striking thing about the occurrence of extramarital intercourse," Dr. Kinsey stated in 1947,

 ". . . is the fact that the highest incidences for the lower social levels occur at the younger ages, and that the number of persons involved steadily decreases with advancing age. Lower-level males who were married in the late teens have given a record of extra-marital intercourse in 45% of the cases, whereas not more than 27% is actively involved by age 40 and not more than 19% by age 50.

"In striking contrast, the lowest incidences of extra-marital intercourse among males of the college level are to be found in the youngest age groups, where not more than 15% to 20% are involved, and the incidence increases
steadily until about 27% is having extramarital relations by age 50."

50% of Men Ignore Vows
The Science News-Letter, Vol. 52, No. 22. (Nov. 29, 1947), p. 342.

"It is virtually impossible to imagine the court of Henry VIII. In that world, civilized graciousness and pleasant conversation in luxurious circumstances could turn in a moment into a hell of personal and political betrayal, imprisonment, torture, and execution. Henry was a brilliant and generous man in many ways, but he was also an unpredictable and dangerous ruler whose selfish motives could combine with the malice of ascendent courtiers to ruin lives."

http://www2.eou.edu/~deeng205/Wyatt.html

AN EARNEST SUIT TO HIS UNKIND MIS-
TRESS NOT TO FORSAKE HIM..

ND wilt thou leave me thus ?
  Say nay !  say nay !  for shame
  To save thee from the blame
Of all my grief and grame.¹
And wilt thou leave me thus ?

Say nay ! Say nay !
    And wilt thou leave me thus ?
That hath lov'd thee so long ?
In wealth and woe among :
And is thy heart so strong
As for to leave me thus ?
Say nay ! Say nay !
    And wilt thou leave me thus ?
That hath given thee my heart
Never for to depart ;
Neither for pain nor smart :
And wilt thou leave me thus ?
Say nay ! Say nay !
    And wilt thou leave me thus ?
And have no more pity,
Of him that loveth thee ?
Alas !  thy cruelty !
And wilt thou leave me thus ?
Say nay ! Say nay !

¹ Sorrow.

THE LOVER RECOUNTETH THE VARIABLE
FANCY OF HIS FICKLE MISTRESS.

S it possible ?
  That so high debate,
  So sharp, so sore, and of such rate,
Should end so soon, and was begun so late.
Is it possible?
    Is it possible?
So cruel intent,
So hasty heat, and so soon spent,
From love to hate, and thence for to relent ?
Is it possible ?
    Is it possible?
That any may find,
Within one heart so diverse mind,
To change or turn as weather and wind,
Is it possible ?
    Is it possible?
To spy it in an eye
That turns as oft as chance on die,
The truth whereof can any try ;
Is it possible ?
    Is it possible?
For to turn so oft ;
To bring that low'st that was most aloft ;
And to fall highest, yet to light soft ;
It is possible !
    All is possible !
Whoso list believe,
Trust therefore first and after preve ;¹
As men wed ladies by license and leave ;
    All is possible !

¹  Prove.

OF DISSEMBLING WORDS.

HROUGHOUT the world if it were sought,
  Fair words enough a man shall find ;
  They be good cheap, they cost right
                          nought,
        Their substance is but only wind ;
            But well to say and so to mean,
            That sweet accord is seldom seen.